I used to cry a lot before I started taking my meds. I cried almost every night because I didn’t want to wake up the next morning. I didn’t realize the amount of pain I was in until now. I didn’t like who I was a year ago. I didn’t like anything about myself. I didn’t know why I was alive or what I was supposed to do with myself. When the doctor told me I was depressed, I broke down and remembered all of the bad things that had happened in my life. One day I cried at work. I thought it was because of a guy, but I knew it wasn’t. I was having an anxiety attack because I had lost a best friend. A best friend I will never get back. She was the one I went to when I was bullied and now I don’t have her anymore because she made fun of me two years later. I cried before prom because I felt ugly. Feeling ugly gave me an anxiety attack. I cried as I drove myself to prom. I cried after prom because I knew I had upset my mom for not taking any pictures. I went to my counselor and cried in his office for over an hour. I wanted to go home and die. I wanted to just be over. I hated who I was. It makes me cry whenever I think about it. I try to hide it in the back of my mind, but I sometimes think about all of the pain I went through. It’s something I never want to feel ever again. If I had known about my depression in high school, would I still have my friend? Would I have done better in school? Would I have been a better friend? I don’t know.